


Invisible Heartache

by Amethyst725



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Romance, Series, Spirits, Suicide, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyst725/pseuds/Amethyst725
Summary: after finishing highschool, peridot decides to buy her own apartment, but she's not alone. she's relaxed and feels safe at first, but things go downhill and she finds out she has a nonexistent ghost roommate named lapis.what will happen between the two, and will peridot move out, stay, or ignore lapis in all?





	1. Relaxed

**Author's Note:**

> all chapters written in lowercase aesthetic. if this bugs you, I apologize!

peridot didn't realize what she was getting into, but truly, she didn't care. she let out a sigh of relief as she slid the key of her new apartment into the door handle. she didn't know how to feel about this moment, but then again, she felt like this was where she belonged. peridot pushed the door open, smiling at the new smell of a new home. she walked over and placed her gentle-green leathered bag onto the couch. she rubbed the fabric, glancing towards the kitchen. 

she walked over to the sink, turning the faucet on slowly. she smiled, it worked perfectly. she turned around and opened the microwave, then oven, and finally refrigerator. there was a bottle of unopened water. peridot shrugged and grabbed it, unscrewing the lid. 

peridot set the water down, after finishing. she felt the urge to decorate, so she made her way outside to her gentle green colored car. connected to the vehicle was a long trailer. she sighed and opened it, slowly moving her furniture inside her apartment. 

after about three and a half hours of complete work, peridot plopped down on her couch and closed her eyes. she grabbed her phone and decided to message her best friend, amethyst. 

peridot smiled as she sent a text, waiting patiently for a reply. after a few minutes, she stood up and took a suitcase to her room. she started unpacking clothes into the small dresser that was left there. she flinched when she heard something fall out in the living room, and slowly looked out the door to the bedroom. she saw her phone lying on the ground, right next to the table she'd set it on. 

for a moment peridot shrugged it off, but slowly realized that her phone had no way of falling on its own. there was physically no way. she shivered. she really hoped this place wasn't haunted. 

she continued unpacking, humming a song to herself. she set up her bed, covering it with the green covers. she checked the time, it was only 7:40. she could probably go out to dinner with one of her friends, if not alone. she also needed to get her tabby kitten, pumpkin, from steven, one of her friends. 

she walked out to the living room and checked her phone, amethyst had replied. peridot decided to ask 'you free right now? thought we could go to dinner and pick up pumpkin afterwards.' she sent it. 

peridot looked out the window, the sun was slowly sinking into the mountains in the distance. peridot leaned on the ledge of the window, gazing outside. she always loved nature, photography, the amazing world she lived in. she grinned. "it's beautiful here..." she murmured to herself, only to get a respond of one of her suitcases tipping over. 

peridot whirled around, heart racing more than it ever had. she walked close to the suitcase, holding her breath. she kicked it, but no movement. she slowly stood it up and grabbed her phone. amethyst had agreed to go to dinner. she sighed in relief. peridot grabbed her peridot necklace and slipped it over her neck, fluffing up her blonde hair. she tipped her emerald-tinted glasses up and narrowed her eyes as she slipped on her shoes, green and white as well, and hurrying out the door. 

she was used to the warmth at the time of day, it seemed like it would be really cold but it was surprisingly comfortable. peridot walked to her car, opening the door and looking at the door to her apartment. she shivered and slid into the front seat of the car, gently closing the door. she turned on the engine and zipped out of the parking lot. 

amethyst asked if they could go to applebreeze for dinner, and peridot defeatedly agreed. she traveled down the road, her eyes glazed with exhaustion. 

once she reached the location, she parked her car neatly and got out, spotting amethysts lilac-purple car that looked similar to her own, but instead purple. peridot raced quickly over to her friend, grinning. 

"hey, shorto dorito." amethyst teasingly giggled. 

"hey, you have no room to talk!" peridot playfully snapped back, grabbing onto amethysts arm. "shall we go in?"

"'course, lil' dorito." amethyst smiled. 

the two friends walked side-by-side, all the way up to the restaurant. they laughed and joked, like they usually did. amethyst always teased peridot, usually for being so short and too attractive to attract any guys. amethyst just didn't know that peridot wasn't interested in guys. she liked girls. 

amethyst sat across from peridot as they seated down. peridot shyly smiled "I uh.. think my apartment is haunted." she nervously giggled. 

"woah, dude, that's so cool!" amethyst said, her eyes looking like they had stars in them. 

"woah, dude, not really!" peridot anxiously replied. "I don't like ghosts, or spirits, or anything of that sort for that matter." she rubbed the back of her neck, glancing at the floor. 

"I'm sure it's fine, peri. I'll make sure that ghost or demon, or spirit doesn't hurt you. I promise." her friend said, smiling. 

"thanks, so much, amethyst. it means a lot. I'm probably just being really paranoid." 

"yeah, all those scary movies finally gettin' to 'ya?" amethyst giggled. 

"shut up. I enjoy watching those, for your information!" peridot whined. 

the waitress returned, asking for the orders. peridot searched for a long time before deciding on a grilled chicken salad, and amethyst deciding on a medium well steak. 

after getting the food, and eating it, they decided to walk around at the park while the sun was going down. peridot figured she could tell amethyst about her love life, finally. 

they strolled around the park, pointing out different bugs, animals, and how pretty the sunset was. the two would spend hours upon hours together, days on end. finally peridot decided to speak up. "umm.. amethyst?" she asked shyly. 

"yes, peridot?" amethyst answered, giving peridot a strange glance. peridot froze up, until her friend placed her hand on peridots shoulder. 

"um.. well, you know how you tease me about boys?" peridot questioned, continuing after amethyst nods. "I uh... actually... well, I dont actually like boys... I.. like.. girls.." she finished 

amethyst looked shocked, but still answered confidently. "that's fine, peridot. I understand that fully. your still my lil' short dorito, you know that."

peridot looked down, but nodded. amethyst continued, "im glad you told me, I know it was probably hard. but I'm here for you, and always will be. peridot, your my best, best feiend forever, and I promise you can trust me with anything." 

peridot immediately felt glad she'd confessed, and she grinned. "thank you, amethyst. I love you, so much." 

amethyst giggled. "I love you too, peri." she said, before hugging her best friend tightly. 

that night, peridot decided to sit and watch a little bit of movies. she laid down on her couch, scrolling through the different channels and movies. she hovered over a show that she loved, and swiftly clicked on it. she knew she should probably take a shower after her work, but came to the conclusion that she was too tired. she watched the television until she fell asleep, right there on the couch. 

peridot awoke to a startling sound from the bathroom. she stood up and walked to the location, slowly opening the door to see two freshly folded towels spread across the floor, a bottle of shampoo on top of both. peridot was confused, but reorganized the bathroom and decided to take a shower then. she shut the bathroom door and locked it, slowly undressing and getting into the warm shower. 

after she was done, peridot got into comfortable clothes and decided to decorate her new home. she unpacked a lot of green or white stuff, and decided she should probably go to the store soon. once she was done unpacking, she admired the scene. then she realized something was missing; pumpkin. she forgot to pick her up last night! peridot groaned and quickly texted steven 'hey, can I come pick up pumpkin in 10?'

peridot heaved a sigh of relief after he replied with yes, and she quickly brushed up her ragged hair and slipped on her shoes. 

on the drive there, peridot wondered what was happening with her apartment. she thought of contacting the main owner about it, wanting to know if it was haunted. she shook the thought from her head as she pulled up in stevens family's home. she got out of her car and walked up to the door, ringing the bell. 

steven answered with a smile on his face, and handing pumpkin over happily. "thank you, steven." peridot commented, smiling. 

"no problem peridot! she's a really good cat. I'll cat-sit get anytime you want!" he smiled before turning and slowly closing the door, leaving peridot there with her companion. peridot giggled and picked pumpkin up, walking to the car. she secured her cat in the passenger seat and walked over to the drivers seat, and sliding in. 

while she was out and about, peridot decided to go to the big donut and get a coffee. it sounded like it would wake her up, and she'd be perfectly alert. 

she returned home around 11:25, and she let pumpkin roam around. peridot relaxed on the couch. so far so good, she thought. "maybe I should search for a college nearby.." she whispered to herself, deciding to search for her laptop. 

peridot heard a crack, and leaped up. she set her computer down and walked over to the window, peering out. a woman with watery looking wings was faintly floating right below, looking up at peridot. 

the small teenager fell backwards, closing her eyes. no, she didn't see that. she's not crazy. peridot held her forehead, shaking. "that's not real, it's not real, I'm just being really paranoid, I'm procrastinating!" she wailed, covering her eyes with her small hands. 

she opened her eyes to see the same woman, except above her. she thought the watery wings would drip down onto her, but when they slid from the girls wings they would just disappear. 

"w-who ar-are y-ou.." peridot choked "w-will you hurt m-e...?" she was shaking in terror. 

"No," the woman spoke, her voice was soft and surprisingly calm. it wasn't ragged, or terrifying, or scratchy. "I won't hurt you. I'm just surprised someone moved in here." 

peridots eyes widened. "y-you... i-i... can under-stan-d you..." she squeaked out, her eyes wide. 

the girl gently giggled. "yeah, I'm lapis. and you are?" 

"p-peridot..."

"well, peridot. guess I've found someone I can communicate with. that's good." lapis said, smiling happily. "maybe I can make a friend..." she whispered, but peridot heard. 

peridot was still stunned, but stood up. she reached for the girl, but her hands only felt the air. she walked over to the couch and sat down, followed by the "ghost" girl-thing. 

lapis sat down on the couch, too, and kindly smiled. 

and that was when everything started.


	2. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out about her invisible roommate, Peridot decides to ask questions. But then, something terrible happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the story is really cringy, I warn you now :')

Peridot stared at the woman. Apparently her name was Lapis, and to be honest, she was really pretty in appearance. Peridot looked down at her phone, feeling a bit dizzy. 

"Peridot?" Lapis' sweet voice echoed

"Y-Yes, Lapis?" 

Lapis looked away, and Peridot could tell she was hiding something. It was with how she spoke, acted, and smiled. Lapis weakly looked at the ground, her dead eyes looking tired. "What is.. What is your life like? Is it amazing, full of friends, family, opportunities, and other stuff?" 

Truly, Peridot was suddenly caught off-gaurd by this question. "Well, uh... Yeah, I have great friends. I don't see my family much i... I kind of distanced myself from them. I'm usually just bored or boring, so my life is... okay."

Lapis turned to Peridot, she looked embarrassed, but glad she'd asked such a question. Peridot was confused but decided to keep calm. "Really?" she heard Lapis whisper. 

Peridot slowly nodded, closing her eyes. She suddenly felt tired. Was it because of the spiritual presence? She wasn't sure, but it bugged her. "How can I see you?" Peridot asked, turning her head to Lapis. 

Lapis shrugged, her watery wings folded down against her back. "Maybe because they are trying to tell us something."

"'They'?" Peridot asked, focusing on the other person beside her. 

"The people who run fate and all that stuff." Lapis said, "You know, God, Jesus, whoever you believe does it." 

"Well... maybe. No other normal human is able to see beings from the dead." Peridot murmured. 

"I know, that's why it's so weird." Lapis responded. "Maybe we can make something from it!" she smiled, leaping in the air and hovering above the floor. 

Peridot smiled, getting up as well. "Yeah, I'm sure we can." 

Lapis kept Peridot entertained while she finished unpacking, and Peridot happily allowed criticism from the other. 

"Oh, yeah.. I should probably search for a college." Peridot said after they'd just finished decorating. "Maybe you'd like to help?" 

After Lapis gave Peridot a look of confusion, Peridot laughed and sat down at the dining table. "No, no, I mean you can help me look. Give me ideas." she added on. 

"Oh, right. I.. knew that." Lapis smirked, sitting next to Peridot. 

In just the span of less than 24 hours, those two were instantly connected. The whole day Peridot forgot to check her phone, and enjoyed the ghosts' company. It was more relaxing than when she first moved in, and Peridot felt even more connected with her new home now. 

Hearing the phone ding, for a fifth time, Peridot groaned and walked over, picking it up. She held it to her ear to hear screaming, and instantly the phone dropped. "Oh, stars no! Damn, Lapis, I have to go. Watch Pumpkin while I'm away, might be a while!" she called, hurrying out the door. 

Lapis was confused, looked at Pumpkin, back at the front door, and shrugged. She went out to follow Peridot. 

It was really gloomy outside, Lapis took note of that. She let her wings droop on either sides of her. She sighed, she always loved taking walks around to cheer her up, but on cloudy, rainy days she felt like everything was in a bad mood, leaving herself in a bad mood. 

It had been so long since Lapis had felt the grass, tasted actual food, and she knew she'd never feel those feelings again. She was a ghost, a spirit, someone who never made it to heaven because of a dumb choice she wished she could take back. 

Just to see her sister again, her mother, her best friend. She had left everyone who meant so much to her in a state of depression. Lapis felt guilty, but she tried to push it away. 

She followed Peridots small car, racing at about 88 miles per hour. Lapis never knew she could fly that fast. As the car pulled into a building lot, Lapis suddenly stopped. She was staring at something she was familiar with, something she'd been to many, many times before. 

A hospital. 

She tried to turn around, to leave, but she needed to make sure Peridot was okay. She needed to make sure whoever was here was just fine, but she knew it didn't work that way. Hospitals weren't a place for happy, healthy people to go. No, whoever was here was in trouble, and it hurt Lapis to know that Peridot knew someone in there. 

She flew down and whispered "Peridot?"

Peridot, being the fight or flight person, struck a punch right through Lapis' body before realizing; she can't hurt a ghost. "Lapis?! What are you doing here, I told you to watch Pumpkin!"

"I uh. I wanted to know you'd be okay." 

"Ye-" Peridot started, before freezing. "Damnit, my phone! I didn't grab it!" 

Lapis moved her hand and Peridots phone appeared, leaving her shocked. 

"I-- How-- Lapis, I can't thank you enough!" Peridot squeaked, grabbing her phone and checking the texts. "Room 203.. Floor 3.. Okay, let's go!" she said, racing inside. 

Lapis weakly smiled and followed Peridot inside, glancing around in fear. She was glad she never had to come here, ever again. It's one part she loved about being dead. No more insanity check-ups, or shots of blood determining what she could be capable of in the future. 

Lapis could tell how worried Peridot was. Whatever happened obviously wasn't good, and it started worrying Lapis herself. She had to fly up the elevator, since the floor went right through her body. 

As soon as they reached floor 3, Peridot raced through the doors and through the halls praying to find the room. Lapis had to fly fast, once again, her wings seeming to ache. 

The bad news came as soon as we entered the room. "She won't make it."

Peridot flew over to Amethyst, hugging her tightly and gently sobbing. Lapis just stood back, knowing only Peridot could see her and nobody else cared. It hurt, but she was used to it. 

"Amethyst, I'm so, so sorry!" Peridot wailed, trying to keep Amethyst from crying herself. 

Amethyst weakly smiled but looked over at the doctor's bed, letting out a quiet wail. She didn't know what she would do now.. "Ah... It's fine.. Totally fine.. I'll be fine." she whispered, holding her head with her hands. 

Lapis strolled over to the bed, reaching out to touch the person on it. She brushed her hand and noticed the patient flinch, obviously noticing her presence. Lapis sat down on her knees, rubbing the patients hand gently. She noticed the heart rate slowly return to normal, the beeping filling up the room and then more. Lapis gently smiled, and looked up at Peridot. She noticed the surprised look on her face, and the hopeful look on Amethysts face. 

Lapis kept her hand placed on the others, closing her eyes. She knew she could help this person, she had to try. She sent prayers to the clouds, knowing at least someone would hear. She prayed that this person would live, because if she didn't.. 

 

If she didn't, it would even hurt Lapis. She stared down at the patients pale face, but not because she was sick, but because it was how she normally looked. All the bruises, cuts, wounds, they were somewhat healing from the inside. She was returning to her normal state, slowly, but surely. 

Lapis bent her head and whispered into the girls ear, "I'm here for you, sis. I always will be. You're strong, you'll make it through this."

The shock on Peridots face let Lapis know that she heard her, but she kept herself from saying anything. Lapis kept her presence close to her sisters, knowing it was her job to take care of her old family, even during the dead. 

"Pearl," Amethysts voice was quietly heard, "Pearl, you're going to survive.. I know you will. Your a strong person." she choked the last words like they hurt, but eventually clearly spoke them. 

"Peridot, she will live. Tell her that." Lapis said confidently, but her expression showed opposite. 

Peridot nodded slowly, turning to Amethyst with tears in her eyes. "She's going to survive, Amethyst. She has to. She will."

Amethyst slowly nodded, hoping it was true. She could only hope. 

But it was hard.


	3. Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops. sorry for being so inactive :')
> 
> I had many problems and decided taking a break would be the most ideal choice for me. I finished chapter 3, so here it is. don't know when chapter 4 will be up, but soon I hope.

Lapis slowly raised her head, glancing out the window. The sun was a small ball of orange, with patches of gentle pink. She looked down at the sleeping Peridot, noticing her hand intertwined with Amethysts. Lapis gazed with empathy, covering her mouth and looking away. She touched the monitor. It was beeping slowly, keeping a steady pace. The tall girl crouched next to the bed, resting her head on crossed arms. Lapis just gazed out the window, trying to think of everything that had gone wrong. Everything she wished, once again, she could take back. She closed her eyes and soon fell asleep, entering a dark space in her mind with nothing there. 

"She can't!" Lapis woke to screaming and gentle sobbing. She raised her head to see Amethyst screaming in Peridots face, and seeing the terror in the small girls expression made her jump up. Lapis floated over, resting her hand on Peridots shoulder and taking over the tiny body. She pushed Amethyst away, turning to Peridot. "What happened? Why is she acting like this?"

Peridot was tense, so Lapis decided to let go of her and paced backwards. "Sorry.. But what happened?"

Lapis had a feeling she already knew, put Peridot acted to grab Lapis' arm and lead her to the edge of the hospital bed. Peridot uncovered the patients body, revealing a pale young girl, about Amethysts age. Peridot looked into Lapis' concerned gaze, and started crying. She slowly choked the words that Lapis knew she'd hear. "She... She died.. In the middle of the night... Pearl is dead..." 

Lapis wrapped her arms around Peridot, knowing it wouldn't be a real hug but at least an invisible one would work. She closed her eyes and gently started sobbing, she felt so terrible. Not to mention that Pearl was her own family, her sister. Lapis dropped to the ground and sat sobbing, hearing Peridots gentle crying as well. Today started off horrible, and it was hard to put together. Was it a sign? Will anything else happen?

Lapis floated up out of the hospital, parting her mouth in a scream. She let it out, tears flowing down her cheeks. She was glad nobody could hear. She screamed until her throat hurt, and she dropped back down, covering her face. Yeah, she was dead, but she still felt a lot of fucking emotion sometimes. Pearl was her sister, damnit! She never got to say goodbye. 

Peridot pretended to hug Lapis, and Lapis could still hear the small girls gentle crying. She looked up and let out a deep breath, managing to speak. "She... She's in a better place. Is Amethyst.. Is she okay?" Lapis asked, her eyes filled with worry for the stranger. 

"Yes, Amethyst is fine.. Just.. Pearl was her girlfriend, she loved her to death.. And.. Now she's devastated without her." Peridot replied, looking away. 

"I think I'm going to leave.." Lapis said, standing up. 

"I'll come too, I can't be here right now." Peridot responds, reaching out to grab Lapis' hand, but she just grabs air. Peridot grumbled and follows Lapis as she floats out of the room. 

Peridot looked at her feet the whole way, her hands in her sweatshirt pockets. She wiped the dry tears from her face, still sniffling. She got in the driver's side of her car, and left the hospital, Lapis not far behind. 

When they reached the apartment, Peridot threw her hoodie off and left only a green tanktop on. She walked over to the couch and fixed it, sitting down. Pumpkin jumped onto her lap, sensing something was wrong. Pumpkin purred and rested her head in Peridots hand. 

Lapis sat down next to Peridot, resting her weightless hand on Peridots shoulder. They both sat in silence, for what seemed forever. They figured that a moment of silence would help calm them. 

 

"Lapis, wake up." Peridot said, urgently trying to verbally wake her. 

Lapis sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Huh?" she said "What is it?"

"Just come on, Amethyst needs some comforting. She's not doing too well." Peridot responded, standing up, clearly already dressed. 

Lapis mumbled and stood up, a hand stuffed in her short-undead wad of blue hair. She turned to Peridot and gently nodded, following her out of the apartment. Lapis knew this wasn't going to be good. She sighed and just accepted what had to come. 

Once they reached Amethysts house, Lapis' heart seemed to drop at the sight. Empty food boxes, bags, and containers everywhere. The curtains were closed, and Amethyst was curled up on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket that had a blueish tint to it. Lapis guessed it was probably owned by Pearl at one point. 

Peridot rushed over, yanking Amethyst up and into a hug. Lapis noticed the tears forming in the corner of her eyes, and she couldn't bare it. Lapis looked away and closed her eyes tightly, choking on her own sobs. Pearl was her sister, after all. She felt as much pain as Amethyst did, if not worse. 

Amethyst glanced in Lapis' direction, and as she turned back to the two, she froze. The older girls expression was hostile, and for a moment Lapis was worried that Amethyst could somehow see her. 

Lapis slowly slinked away, watching her gaze. It didn't seem to follow her, so Lapis let out a long sigh. This caught Peridots attention, and she just frowned at me. Lapis decided it was better if she just left, so she did. She floated back home, her gaze upwards and searching the sky. She started mumbling to herself.

"Pearl? You can hear me, right? I'm sorry. So very sorry, sister. I know I left you in pain after I died. I should've known better, but I was so selfish and done with everything. As much as I want to take it back, I fear it's not possible."

Lapis was quiet for a few more moments, before starting again. 

"I hope you were fine with mother. Did you take care of her? Is she still alive and well? Oh... I guess you wouldn't know. I hope you're up there, watching over us as an angel. You always deserved a spot as one. You're a strong fighter, and a perfect person in general."

Lapis stopped, realizing she was choking out tears now, her eyes running with the liquid. She smiled, sobbing into her faded hands. 

"Pearl, dammit, I love you so much... I really hope you're happy now." Lapis managed to spit out, before curling against a fence and finish sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again sorry it's not very good, and sorry it's not very long. I've lost motivation to finish this story, which really sucks, but I have other fanfictions I can write while I work on this one. I don't plan ditching this fanfic anytime soon tho, even if it does take forever to update it.


End file.
